Asking For Help

My husband is always saying, why didn't you ask me to help you? I have been thinking about this prompt for a few days, and I don't have a simple answer. I have lost the ability to do many things due to two failed back surgeries, and arthritis. 

I can't garden anymore, and there are several other things I wish I could still do. I want to st…

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Nature Versus Nurture

Nature versus nurture is a fascinating topic. Studying the role of heredity and environment started in the 13th century in France. The “nature theory” believers think people have a genetic predisposition that explains human behavior. The “nurture theory” believers think behavior is learned or taught. Understanding the human genome is the goal for many researchers.

As an example, it is easy to see we got our blue eyes from dad, but our freckles from mom. What about our personalities? Nurture uses our genetic tendencies and molds them as we learn. Our individual differences are not just due to our DNA or to our developmental environment, but they are also due to the process of development.

Psychological studies have proven that essentially both theories are correct. Scientists continue to debate this topic. There are several psychological studies focusing on twins separated at birth by attempting to answer the age-old question about the differences between nature and nurture. My friend, Linda Lum, has written about all the twins in her family.

Shocking Psychological Research

In the 1950s and 1960s, a New York psychiatrist, Dr. Peter Neubauer caused society outrage when people learned of his psychology studies. Five sets of twins were intentionally separated at birth and raised in different homes without the knowledge of the adopting families or the twins.

The families were told they were participating in a child development study. Dr. Neubauer was considered a world-leading expert in child psychiatry. He worked in conjunction with the Louise Wise Services adoption agency in New York. Another consultant, Dr. Viola Bernard, thought twins should be separated to improve their psychological development.

Dr. Bernard has died, but Dr. Neubauer was questioned by CNN. He refused to disclose any facts, had no remorse for his decisions, and his study findings were sealed until 2066.

Facts on Twin Separation Adoption

Most of the twins separated at birth are due to babies being put up for adoption when families only want to adopt one child. Frequently children are not told they are adopted, let alone they have a twin.

Many adopted children want to find their birth mother, which can lead to the discovery they also have a twin. My mother found out she was adopted when she was 93 years old due to our DNA studies.

Amazing Example of Twins Reconnecting

In one well-publicized case now at the Smithsonian, two brothers born in 1939, were adopted by two different families. It just so happened they were both given the same first name. The brothers managed to reconnect at age 39 and found they had numerous similarities.

Each man was 6’ tall, weighed 180 pounds and both had dogs named Toy when growing up. Also, their families both vacationed in St. Petersburg, FL. Both men married women named Linda when they were young, and both got divorced. They both remarried women named Betty; they named their sons James Alan and James Allan.

Each served as part-time sheriffs, enjoyed home carpentry, smoked Salem cigarettes, drank Miller Lite, and suffered from severe headaches. This case would certainly cause one to believe nature is more important in shaping an individual’s mannerisms, likes and dislikes. The twins considered the day they met the most important day in their lives.

Final Thoughts

There are numerous stories of twins meeting as adults, and their lives have uncanny similarities. I believe children should be told they are adopted and certainly told if they have a twin.

It would be nice if twins, even if they are raised in different homes, had the opportunity to spend some time together as children. There is a bond between twins that defies explanation.

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Happiness — What does it mean?

Happiness is very subjective. “I feel good emotionally” is a general expression, which might be used to evaluate your level of happiness.

Where does your happiness come from? Is it money, love, passion, excitement, a particular goal, or exactly what?

For some people, it is being calm, peaceful, and content. It is very natural to be happy.

The dictionary defines happiness as:

1. A state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy

2. Emotions are experienced when in a state of well-being.

Happiness is receiving more attention recently as well-being and mental health are talked about more often. Happiness means different things to different people.

Experiencing happiness because we received a raise or lost ten pounds is just an experience, but does that mean you a happy person?

Gallup Poll Measured Happiness in March 2022

A Gallup Poll (World Happiness Report) completed in March 2022, found the U.S. at a 13-month low for happiness, where people ranked themselves as thriving, struggling, or suffering.

The happiness experienced at the end of the lockdowns has abated. People are not happy about politics, or the things happening in their lives. High prices are a problem for many people.

Daniel Kahneman, the psychologist, explains happiness as the difference between “experiencing self” and “remembering self”. Therefore, the assumption is that happiness must be studied to understand how personal experiences lead to a happy life.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” ~Mark Twain

World Studies on Happiness

Studies on happiness have been completed around the world. Some scientists believe that the GNP or GDP has always been used as a measure of national happiness.

Therefore, if this study is successful it could conceivably be used to manipulate poll numbers or perhaps legislation.

The guidelines used by researchers to study happiness include:

“Happiness is made up of pleasure, engagement and meaning

It involves both positive emotions and a global sense that life is worthwhile

People can accurately report their own level of happiness”

The research team by utilizing the above framework learned more “about who is happy, what makes them happy and why.” Yet, some people cannot tell you if they are happy.

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” — Abraham Lincoln

Does Money Produce Happiness?

Well, it sure doesn’t hurt, however, Laura Vanderkam, author of “All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know about Getting and Spending” states we should not focus on budgets or compare ourselves to our friends, but think of money as a tool.

The conclusion from her research revealed people who are happy feel like they have enough money, even when they are not wealthy. They can get more money if needed but have full control over how their money is spent.

Poor people without enough food and lack adequate housing may not be particularly happy. However, wealthy people may have their own set of problems, such as obesity, anorexia, bulimia, adult-onset diabetes, andvarious addictions, such as alcohol, gambling, shopping, and TV.

People spend endless hours worrying about money, budgets, and investments. They try to figure out ways to stretch their budget during this time of high prices.

While we try to follow the advice of financial planners, we kick ourselves when we save too little or spend too much. Why are many of us so unhappy about our finances?

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” ~Berke Breathed

Negative Emotions Produce Unhappiness

Sometimes people are addicted to unhappiness according to David Sack M.D. They absolutely “wallow in their misery”, which has many possible causes

If you are experiencing grief, self-doubt, depression, anger, boredom, dissatisfaction, shame, guilt, anxiety, stress, sadness, discontent, fear, envy, or jealousy, then you are probably not happy!

Advocates for the research state a measure of happiness can contribute to evaluating the success or failure of a wide variety of government policies.

It is believed that this measurement could gauge whether a health benefit or education is more valuable than, for instance, a higher income.

It also proposes to measure how people spend their time between leisure activities and work. Do we want to share this much information with our government?

Finally, the twelve world’s happiest countries, 2022 edition include:

1. Finland

2. Denmark

3. Iceland

4. Switzerland

5. Netherlands

6. Luxembourg

7. Sweden

8. Norway

9. Israel

10. New Zealand

11. Austria

12. Australia

Thank you for reading. Much love, Pamela.

Copywrite@2022 Pamela Oglesby

Every tongue is very unique, not unlike fingerprints. Currently, there are researchers working on reliable ways to use the tongue as biometric authentication to identify an individual. It is amazing!

The tongue has 2,000 to 10,000 taste buds. Contrary to current belief there are no places on the tongue where taste buds are specific to just sweets, salt or tart flavors. Taste buds exist in the epiglottis and the back of the throat also.

The tongue has small, pinkish-white bumps, called papillae, that are actually very fine hairlike projections. The papillae can be seen in the above picture.

On average the taste buds die off and are then replaced every 10 to 14 days. There are some people with more than 10,000 taste buds, and they are known as supertasters.

Children and infants have more taste buds than adults, with some taste buds even in their cheeks and lips. This may explain why they can be so picky about food.

The tongue is very flexible, and it has eight intertwining muscles that create this flexibility. The tongue muscles are the only muscles in the body that are totally independent of the skeleton.

The tongue is separated by a length of vertical fibrous tissue. The muscles in the tongue enable shaping the tongue to facilitate eating, swallowing and talking. The tongue muscles never get tired.

Average Length of the Tongue

The average tongue for an adult male is 3.3 inches long, and a female tongue averages 3.1 inches. However, Nick Stoeberl has a tongue of approximately 3.9 inches, and he is in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Signs of an Unhealthy Tongue

The healthy tongue is a pink shade, but if it is smoother than a normal tongue you may have a deficiency of nutrients, such as vitamin B12, iron or folic acid. A very red tongue may indicate a sore and/or fever.

If the tongue has white patches, which may also be on the inside of the mouth, that typically means you have thrush. Thrush (a fungal infection) is easily treated, but you need a prescription from your doctor for quick, reliable relief. Home remedies may help, such as swishing salt water or water with baking powder in your mouth.

The University of Pennsylvania completed of study of people with obstructive sleep apnea, and they found obese individuals had a larger tongue.

A yellow tongue usually indicates some type of stomach problem. You may have pain or a burning sensation on you tongue, and spicy or acidic food is typically the cause.

Oral Cancers

Cancers can also affect the tongue and 90% are squamous cell carcinomas. The cancer may by a primary lesion or it may metastasise from the throat, nasal cavity or another anatomic structure.

Approximately 75% of the cancers are due to modifiable behaviors, such as excessive alcohol consumption or some type of tobacco use.

What About Other Mammals?

Dogs and cats are mammals that use their tongue in a number of ways. One way is to clean their fur or body. Their tongue tends to have a rough texture, which aids them in removing parasites and oils as well.

A dog’s tongue acts as a heat regulator. You will see a dog’s tongue hanging out of his or her mouth. The reason is the moisture on the tongue helps to cool the blood flow.

Fish, reptiles, birds and amphibians all have tongues, but alligators, crocodiles and gharials do not have tongues. Of course, that last group sure has plenty of teeth.

Summary

The tongue's many unique features are interesting. It is good to be aware of the possible problems that may occur, so take a look at it when you brush your teeth.

Dentist encourage people to brush their tongue also to get rid of any bacteria, and this should be done twice daily.

Communicating Effectively

Effective communication sometimes goes by the wayside due to social media. Using emails and text messages is not the same as having a spontaneous conversation with an individual or a group.

Going to a job interview or conversing with your doctor is also an important time to communicate effectively.

Effective communication is extremely important in business and in relationships as it is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

Staying on topic and listening to the other person is half the battle. As the old saying goes, listen twice as much as you talk.

Listen More For Effective Communication

There are several criteria that impact effective communication, such as our listening skills, our nonverbal communication and the words we use to communicate.

The ability to accurately receive and interpret messages explains effective listening.

Have you ever been in a conversation with an individual that is texting someone on their phone? The individual is only half-listening at best, and it is frustrating to the speaker.

It is really important to respect the rights of others as well. Common courtesy and thoughtfulness go a long way toward making friends and having healthy relationships.

Do you give someone time to complete a sentence before you jump in and interrupt?

I have gotten excited and interrupted, so it is something I have to be conscious of when talking.

Have you had the experience of trying to relay information to a person who continues to interrupt you, and your message doesn’t get across?

The frustration of these types of conversations is obvious and certainly not effective communication.

Listening while looking into the speaker’s eyes shows that you are interested, and that you are truly listening to what they have to say.

Importance of Nonverbal Communication

There are many nonverbal cues that speak volumes. Have you ever had someone speak to you and smile, but when you look in their eyes they are focused elsewhere or sometimes they just have a blank stare?

Or, have you been talking to someone while they keep moving away? I guess you assume they are not interested, or you have talked so long they are trying to escape.

We give and receive wordless signals continually when we are talking with another person. Nonverbal communication and listening will let the other person know whether you care or not.

It can be confusing to talk with someone when they’re saying one thing, but their body language is sending the opposite message.

Some of the nonverbal communication includes:

• Facial expressions

• Gestures, which can mean different things in different cultures

• Eye contact

• Posture

• Tone of voice or how fast someone talks

• Standing still or moving away from the speaker

Silence can also be considered nonverbal communication, particularly if the other person is expecting some input.

I have known some people to use the silent treatment to punish their partner for some perceived wrong, but it seems rather childish to me. Of course, there are times when you might treasure that silence.

We can’t overlook touch, as a firm handshake, a hug, a slight tap on the shoulder or someone grabbing your arm are all very significant.

Another nonverbal aspect is space. Have you ever had someone who stands too close when you’re talking to them and you get this feeling that they are invading your personal space?

According to Edward T. Hall’s personal reaction bubble, the intimate space for lovers and family is just 1.5 feet. The comfortable social space is 4 feet, while the public space is between four and 25 feet. This is probably more accurate in the United States than it is in other cultures.

Effective Verbal Communication

Communicating effectively is actually a learned skill, and most of us probably can use some improvement. The benefits of effective communication can definitely improve relationships, while deepening your connection with those you care about.

Effective communication can improve teamwork and decision-making. Learning the tips concerning non-verbal communication is just as important.

Some tips that may help improve your communication skills:

• Pause before responding.

• Be trustworthy and honest.

• Don’t rush communication.

• Adapt your ideas to others.

• Stay in the moment.

• Pay attention to non-verbal cues.

• Intend to understand.

• Be patient and open-minded.

• Follow up after communicating.

• Ask for feedback from others.

Think of someone who’s reading a speech from a paper as compared to someone who is delivering a speech from memory that appears to be from their heart.

There is no comparison between the two for the listener. Ideally, we want to use communication to help us better understand each other, to work out our differences, to build trust and have the ability to solve problems together.

This means listening to the other person’s ideas, even if you don’t agree; then, express your ideas.

Obviously both people have to be willing to participate in this manner and leave their tempers somewhere else.

It isn’t always easy and sometimes you just have to “agree to disagree”.

We are not clones. and we are not going to look at each situation the same no matter how much we love someone.

In Conclusion

To sum up effective communication some of the key points include; make eye contact, and nod occasionally when the other individual is making an important point.

Never cross your arms, but just stand with your hands clasped in front of you or at your side.

Be open minded and listen to the other person’s point of view.

Never be condescending in your replies, as nothing will shut down a conversation any faster.

Thank you for reading this article.

Amazing Event

One Wednesday I was driving home from work, and I got a flat tire. I pulled over and before I could call anyone another person stopped. He appeared to be a nice man, and he asked me if he could help.

He changed the tire for me, and he wouldn’t take any money. I thanked him kindly, and he smiled as he got back into his car.

That night I decided to attend church at a large church I had been attending. I was walking up the stairs to sit in the balcony.

I was looking down at the steps when a hand came into my vision with a voice that welcomed me to the service, I took the hand and looked up.

I was shocked! It was the man who had changed my tire!

I never noticed this man before as this was a big church. However, the odds of a man changing my tire then welcoming me to church seems astronomical.

This event made me think of the passage in Hebrews.

Hebrews 13

King James Version (KJV)

1 Let brotherly love continue.

2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Life Well Lived

Further down in the 13th chapter of Hebrews it says:

8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.

This is the bottom line to me. I know Jesus is always there for me. I just need to look up! I need to pray always.

I have been through abuse in my life, and I have had numerous health problems. I have had many surgeries. We all suffer loss at times in our lives.

However, life can be good, but we have to believe. We need to think positive thoughts. I have also had many joyful things in my life.

I have a loving husband and a loving family. I have much to smile about!